Re-love-ution

 I was in a 'reloveution' babe, and now I am only going backwards.

Life indeed has its own ways of humbling you. A year ago, when I wrote about my Mumbai dreams coming true, I was pretty much lying to myself. I was unhappy with my job, adjusting in my flat, and battling my thoughts against a relationship. It was happening all at once. Maybe the only reason I was happy there was that I was in a new city. All by myself.

Last year I made some questionable decisions. The fun part is I don't regret them at all. My 3rd-year college self wouldn't believe these words coming out of my mouth. Trust me, I was content there after the mess that I had created for myself. But that humbled me when it felt like I had lost everything I had created for myself with such care. Entering 2026 felt like a nightmare.

I wasn't ready to face college. Every job application was dreadful. My friendships were on a loose end. I had no idea what to do. It's been 8 months since that feeling, and I am happy to report that I've shown some progress.

There'll be multiple canon events in your life where you would call yourself a warrior. A fighter. I call it my re-love-ution. A version of myself that was fighting herself with love and chasing something so simple that the world had to remind her to do better. I was chasing the wrong things. Romanticising the wrong things. Dreaming of the wrong things. It was glorified self-depreciation. 

Now, I am only going backwards - going in reverse to see what changed in me, and if life humbled me, what does it teach me?

Yeah, it's like reverse engineering but philosophy. 

listen to "Feels Like We Only Go Backwards" by Tame Impala to get my vibe (otherwise, I know all this sounds a little bit cringe)