the honest hour

Before today's blog: 

I know it's such a painful time to read the news. I've been doing exactly that; for the first time in all my consciousness, I am witnessing a war. Something I read about in books, watched in films, and heard in stories. I hope everyone is safe and optimistic. I truly wish this gets over for once, and for good. Grateful to be able to write this from the comfort of my home. 

Start of blog:

Four years ago, I was a different person, open, endlessly cheerful, always ready to pour my heart out to someone new. I wasn’t much of a thinker—just a doer, happy and talkative, spilling my life out and hoping a friendship would blossom.

But now, I’ve changed. I’m more private. I am more of a thinker, a listener, putting my pieces carefully in front of you, so you take me as I want you to. Carefully, delicately, telling you what I want you to know about me. It's more difficult to expect out of a friendship now, too. 

But, man, I miss the person I was. I miss the friendships I weaved when I was that person. To be precise, I miss the friendships I made in no time, maybe in an hour, with my most honest self poured out. It was the dream. What one sees in movies- how two people meet, they click, and just vanish, maybe in a couple of months. 

The worst part is how you lose contact with such friends. They know my most honest self, so much about me. My first passion, hobbies, and dreams when I was younger. But they failed to see how I changed into the person that I am today. How my passion changed from photography to film-making, how my dreams changed from travelling the world to building something of my own, and how my hobbies changed from painting to writing. They don't know this about me.

It's so weird to think about it. What would happen if I saw them now? How will they perceive me now? Will our conversation stand as unfiltered as it was before? How have they changed? 

When two people realize that the bond no longer sustains itself. A part of you stays with them. The part you showed them. The part they witness for that very short time. The part they loved, and the ones they didn't. Everything is theirs to understand. Time stops when you lose a bond. A part of you pauses, and it doesn't resume until you meet them again. 

That part of me is so EAGER to just rewind and play. Only because I know it will be a fun time. I know we'll laugh reminiscing about what we lost. Even for just an hour, I want to witness my old self again, with them. But let's not hope too much here, I've surrendered to what I am now. Building myself piece by piece, to the person I am now. 

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE what I am becoming, and it's a conscious choice. There's more peace to let yourself be as you grow older. But to meet someone from the past, meet your nostalgic self again, and to restart where you left off sounds fun? 

- Good now it's 1:00 am. See u!

source: pinterest only