is it what it is?

TMI stuff, mostly oversharing here. But this is my blog so I can write what i want to. :)

unfortunately, this is a sad post. a very sad post. i cried like a minute ago. i feel like i am at my lowest point and honestly i don't know why. i don't what the hell is going on. i don't know why i've been so sad, so sad that i have to cry once in a week at least. so sad, that i just don't have a damn good day. so sad, that i don't wanna wake up, i don't want to face anyone. i just want to sleep in and do my own thing. so sad that i all i want to do is bake a damn cake and eat it all by myself. so sad, that i don't care how i look. i haven't brushed my hair in like 20 hours. i don't care.what the hell.

maybe it's the academic thing which has surrounded me from every corner? maybe it's the cold weather?

the problem is: i don't know why i am sad. if i knew i would have gotten a solution(which is usually not easy). and i would have performed it(which is also not easy). but the good news is that i know what i want to do. and the bad news is that it is physically impossible for me to do that. here's what i want to do:

i want to go to paris. yes, right now. RIGHT NOW. i want to to book a flight. pack lots of clothes and go to the airport and put my phone on airplane mode. i don't want to talk to anybody. i want to book an AirBnB and just crash there. i want to cook my own food. i want to fill my stomach with flower flavoured tea types, croissants, baguettes, pain au chocolat, le camembert and le roquefort. these are french edible things. i want to wear my pajamas and go to a french party i was not invited to. i want to go wake up early, dress in my best outfit, in the morning to look at the Eiffel Tower. i want to visit the Le Louvre and show fake interest in museums and history. i want to visit a french cafe and flirt with a french dude and give him a fake number because i don't want any human involvement at the moment. i want to click a lots of pictures and edit them and NOT post them on Instagram. i want to film a vlog titled 'living my dreams in paris'. i want to edit that vlog like it's a french vintage film. i want to eat a lot of pasta in paris, because i've heard wine infused pasta is really cool. at 11pm sharp, i want to go to the Eiffel Tower to look at how lit it will be. how beautiful it would look. i want to click a million selfies and not send them to anyone. i want to visit the most expensive french restaurant and eat the most expensive meal and go back to the AirBnB and not sleep because my extra damn ass has decided to bake a cake at 2 am. so i will go a grocery store and pick up the ingredients and bake a cake and dance alone while it is baking to prateek kuhad songs or some american teen boy band. i'll eat the cake by myself off the cake mould itself because i don't care. i want to rewatch the entire Friends series because that's a vibe the entire night....and i'll come back when i'll do all of this. i won't tell anyone (except the people who actually care) where i went and what i did.

if you know me (i assume you don't..) you know that i want to execute three things in my life: one,i have been wanting to go to paris and amsterdam (because those are the most beautiful cities on this entire planet) since i was 10 years old. two,i want to learn the british accent and say HAARRY POTTTER! three, i want to live a rollercoaster life and speak about it when i turn like old, in a 30 minute speech which will MOVE people which will inspire them to not have regrets because it's not a vibe, my friend.

BUT, coming back to my pink room with a space themed ceiling and a pink fan, i don't know what the hell is bugging me right now, but i swear to god it's taking over me and it's so darn difficult.

i am just this person who wants to appreciate and look at beautiful things.

by me

(plays indie guitar tunes in the background)

EDIT: life is better now, it always does.

read more because i write more: ways we communicate with photos